work/life balance. The seesaw of life. jacksonville florida family photographer.

Isn't it so? Sometimes I struggle with knowing what could be the best choice, whether it's the easy, difficult, right or wrong decision. It's the stress alone about making that initial choice is what makes my head spin. I love my kids.. they make my life that much easier. I will usually ask my son "what do you think about blah blah blah...?" and he will answer "whatever you think?", "what do YOU want?" "if you think you should".... same goes for my husband and everyone else in my household. You know actually I am beginning to think they give me these open ended answers because they just want me to..for lack of a better word shut up! What I wanted to get to today is being able to manage a balance between work/home/kids..etc.. I have struggled with this for a while now...and I guess it's time to face fear in it's evil little eye. Sometimes I secretly wish I was Kelly Ripa in one of those Electrolux commercials where she prances around the house cleaning, hosting a party and making chocolate milk for her kids magically appear in their hands in less than the time it takes for the commercial to be over. Either this, or I need an Electrolux appliances. Since this is far from the truth. I have to deal with the reality of it all. I am a wife, and mother of three kids struggling to get her photography business off the ground. When I spoke to my girlfriend the other day as tears of sorrow and leftover overactive hormones drip down my face. She said that I am like a one woman show. As these words escaped through the phone lines and reached me I could actually picture myself like one of those people you see at the fair or on TV with all of those instruments going at the same time. In fact, I have never seen or heard anyone with one of these one man bands that actually even sounded good to say the least. I don't know. It seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Anyway, as I picked myself off the floor and got off the phone.. I went about my business doing what I normally do. Is that it? Do people just go about their business, have one or two anxiety attacks and life goes on after that?? Why wasn't I aware of this before?? It is then when it dawned upon me that although being Kelly Ripa sounds like a lot of fun. It is I that has to face my fear and live my life the way it has intended to be. This is not a commercial. There is no pause or off button. No rewind, no fast forward. As much as I would love to picture this dreamy image of me being able to handle everything with ease. That is not what god has planned for me. That is not who I am, and maybe one day... it is who I have been. So for now, I will keep changing the dirty diapers, making school lunches, untangling curly hair at bedtime, watch series on showtime with my husband in bed, edit, shoot, continue to find inspiration and do my best to push forward. No matter what.